Nov 4, 2022·edited Nov 4, 2022Liked by Charlie Brown
I have tears in my eyes because with it being the celebration of your friend's loss, it reminds me of the trauma I'm going through and conquering one day at a time--which I know is the only way you can do it. Losing a best friend is difficult. Sure, they eventually get replaced by others as the years go by. I mean, the friend who dies of an accidental overdose when he's 18, is tragic. But over the next ten years you'll grow, and the quality of your friends will change. If you lose another friend to cancer ten years later, you'll be reminded of your other losses, and so on and so on. But what if the loss of a friend is a result of something you did? The blame will be endless. What if the loss was not so much something you did, but something that happened when you were there and you were unable to prevent it? A slip on the ice, and he falls under the wheels of the machine you're driving? Can you forgive yourself? At first? No. If that friend is someone you worked with and played with for 45 years? If that friend is someone who had children, and your children grew up together? All of those things take time. It's been since January, and I feel I've moved beyond my loss. And then I read this. And then I think, can I light a candle in his memory on the first anniversary of his death? I have a lot of room in my life for "White space." I enjoyed this because it reminded me of my loss; I enjoyed it because I needed to be reminded of my loss. I've accepted what has happened--I don't like it--but I've accepted it, and have moved forward. At 64, I don't know if I'll have enough room in my life to replace the void he's left in me (I mean, I know I have my wife, and she is my rock-yada, yada, yada) but it's not the same is it?
I have tears in my eyes because with it being the celebration of your friend's loss, it reminds me of the trauma I'm going through and conquering one day at a time--which I know is the only way you can do it. Losing a best friend is difficult. Sure, they eventually get replaced by others as the years go by. I mean, the friend who dies of an accidental overdose when he's 18, is tragic. But over the next ten years you'll grow, and the quality of your friends will change. If you lose another friend to cancer ten years later, you'll be reminded of your other losses, and so on and so on. But what if the loss of a friend is a result of something you did? The blame will be endless. What if the loss was not so much something you did, but something that happened when you were there and you were unable to prevent it? A slip on the ice, and he falls under the wheels of the machine you're driving? Can you forgive yourself? At first? No. If that friend is someone you worked with and played with for 45 years? If that friend is someone who had children, and your children grew up together? All of those things take time. It's been since January, and I feel I've moved beyond my loss. And then I read this. And then I think, can I light a candle in his memory on the first anniversary of his death? I have a lot of room in my life for "White space." I enjoyed this because it reminded me of my loss; I enjoyed it because I needed to be reminded of my loss. I've accepted what has happened--I don't like it--but I've accepted it, and have moved forward. At 64, I don't know if I'll have enough room in my life to replace the void he's left in me (I mean, I know I have my wife, and she is my rock-yada, yada, yada) but it's not the same is it?