White Space Makes a Simple Life Even Simpler
Finding time in our day for nothing
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Growing up in a Protestant (ish) country, All Saints Day was never A Thing. By and large Brits don’t visit cemeteries to celebrate the dead on November 1st. We barely visit cemeteries at all.
Not so much on continental Europe. In many countries, All Saints Day is a huge celebration.
For the last two All Saints Days, I’ve been in Zagreb, the capital of Croatia which also happens to be home to one of Europe’s largest cemeteries, Mirogoj. This place is a freaking marvel. It covers 7 square kilometers and is home to over 500,000 souls.
Visiting the cemetery during the day is something else (think open air art museum) but visiting on the night of 1st November, when candles are lit as far as the eye can see is overwhelmingly beautiful - and emotional.
In the central alley is a spot where anyone is free to light a candle for anyone they’ve lost. This coming Saturday marks a year since I lost one of my closest friends, Nuala. So it was only fitting that I lit a candle for her in Mirogoj on All Saints.
There were thousands of people around the cemetery. Croatian TV reporters were crawling everywhere. And yet for a couple of minutes as I lit the candle and remembered one of the very best people who ever lived, there might as well have been no one for miles. I was completely absorbed in the moment, and with Nuala.
As I quietly wiped away a few tears and brought myself back to reality, I tried to remember the last time I allowed myself a moment like that. One of those moments that happen when the mind frees itself of almost everything and you can just be. One which is filled with white space.
If you’re anything like me, friends, this doesn’t happen enough.
***
When we talk about simple living, we often talk about crafting a life with fewer activities and distractions. I’ve talked before about my simple living “pillars” of travel, food and wine, seeing friends and family, exercise and writing.
The problem is, I could fill every second of every day with those activities with no white space in between.
It’s that white space that I personally struggle with. Perhaps you do too.
I’m not ashamed to admit that I’m scared of boredom, and I’m even more scared of where my thoughts will wander if I sit for a moment in silence. So I fill my days from the minute I wake until the minute I go to bed, leaving no space for contemplation.
Which is pretty dumb because when I do give myself a chance to have a moment to myself, I love it. Like when you grab a massage and you have nothing to do for an hour than just be in the moment, phone off, plinky-plonky music playing. That’s pretty blissful. Or like the other day when I took myself out of the apartment on my own with my journal and sat in the sun for 30 minutes and just wrote. Or like what happened to me in Mirogoj cemetery. Ironically I felt more alive and in touch with myself there than I have in a while.
If white space is so great, why don’t we make more time for it?
Sure, work gets in the way, as do commitments and kids if you have them. But we’re simple living advocates, aren’t we? We’re dedicated to prioritizing what matters in life, to cutting out The Noise TK so we have time for what matters.
And what matters includes white space.
***
2022 doesn’t like white space. It signifies you’ve got time on your hands and if you’ve got time on your hands, shouldn’t you fill it? Social media giants want you to fill it with scrolling. Hustle culture wants you to fill it with, well, hustling. Your kid wants you to fill it with them.
If you want the time to do nothing other than take stock of yourself, you’ve got to fight for it.
Some people diarize doing nothing. Others fit it into their morning routine. Some like me don’t prioritize it enough and then wonder why life feels so full and busy all the time, even with a self-proclaimed “simple” life.
More than anything else, we need to stop feeling guilty for both needing and wanting it.
White space is when glorious things happen. It’s why shower ideas are so great. It’s why runners come back from pounding the pavement with a solution to a problem. It’s why millions of people swear by meditation.
Scientifically speaking, the brain loves to be idle because it gives it a chance to process all the information we throw at it. And this process takes as little as 5 to 15 minutes.
Quarter of an hour a day? I can do that.
You probably can too.
***
Tomorrow marks one year to the day Nuala died. I have a hair appointment at a disgustingly early (for a weekend) 8 am. I’m moving apartments so I have to pack and get out of the place by 11 am. I have an 8.30 pm flight to Italy. The day is going to be busy.
But not so busy I can’t spend a moment further thinking about Nuala. Finding a quiet spot in the day to sit, empty my mind and remember her.
Simple living isn’t just about cutting out the stuff and the busyness, it’s also about adding value to our lives and to the world.
White space is value. It’s valuable. It’s necessary if you want to navigate this batshit crazy world with aplomb.
Which I definitely want to do. You probably do too.
White space is what will make it happen.
The S+S Recipe Index is Go Go Go
For the last 13 weeks, I’ve sent out 23 different flexible, waste-reducing recipes to paid subscribers of Simple and Straightforward. Everything from what to do with greens to the “capsule storecupboard” - a list of ingredients that are the basis of thousands of recipes.
It’s time for a recipe index. Updated weekly, this list holds all S+S recipes, leftover ideas and variations on a theme (Gazpacho 19+ ways anyone?).
Check out what we’ve been cooking here:
Setting up your weekend
3 articles from my collection (paywall free)
7 of the Weirdest Items I Miss as a Full-Time Traveling Minimalist
The Surprising Reason Europeans Are so Much Happier Living in Cities than Americans
9 Biases You May Not Know Exist but Could Change the Way You See the World
The best pieces of content I’ve consumed this week
App - Kava. I’m DELIGHTED to be able to finally recommend Kava, an app my husband has created for specialty coffee lovers. There’s a directory of the best specialty coffee shops in many major cities (the data is user-led so if you don’t see your favorites on there, just add them). There’s a social media style feed where you can follow friends and other coffee-heads, rate your coffee out of five and add photos. It’s a brand new app so you’ll be first off the mark - check it out.
Article - At 40 I’m Starting My Career Over and I’m Terrified by Sam Dixon Brown. Following Kava, my husband wrote a terrific article about what it’s like to start a new career at 40. I may be biased, but it’s an excellent read.
Article - Can a 40-Year-old Really Call Themself an Orphan? by Kathryn Jezer- Morton. Anything this woman writes, I read.
I have tears in my eyes because with it being the celebration of your friend's loss, it reminds me of the trauma I'm going through and conquering one day at a time--which I know is the only way you can do it. Losing a best friend is difficult. Sure, they eventually get replaced by others as the years go by. I mean, the friend who dies of an accidental overdose when he's 18, is tragic. But over the next ten years you'll grow, and the quality of your friends will change. If you lose another friend to cancer ten years later, you'll be reminded of your other losses, and so on and so on. But what if the loss of a friend is a result of something you did? The blame will be endless. What if the loss was not so much something you did, but something that happened when you were there and you were unable to prevent it? A slip on the ice, and he falls under the wheels of the machine you're driving? Can you forgive yourself? At first? No. If that friend is someone you worked with and played with for 45 years? If that friend is someone who had children, and your children grew up together? All of those things take time. It's been since January, and I feel I've moved beyond my loss. And then I read this. And then I think, can I light a candle in his memory on the first anniversary of his death? I have a lot of room in my life for "White space." I enjoyed this because it reminded me of my loss; I enjoyed it because I needed to be reminded of my loss. I've accepted what has happened--I don't like it--but I've accepted it, and have moved forward. At 64, I don't know if I'll have enough room in my life to replace the void he's left in me (I mean, I know I have my wife, and she is my rock-yada, yada, yada) but it's not the same is it?