When Everyone Around You Worships at the Font of Busyness, How Do You Stop Yourself From Doing the Same?
Friday food for thought
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Most of my days are spent in a cozy cocoon of simplicity. In there are my five “simple living pillars” — Writing, exercise, coffee, cooking, and seeing family and friends. There is also me, my husband, and my ruthlessly curated social media feeds.
I like it like that. I’ve fought tooth and nail to make my life like that, to cut out all the fluff and the distractions.
Most importantly, my cocoon keeps me straight on the precarious simple living path.
This is not an easy lifestyle. Other people, media, society at large — none of them are all that keen on people who want to live in simplicity.
Thus, I heavily guard my simple living cocoon.
But life is life and there are times I have to — and frankly want to — break out of my echo chamber and spend time with people I wouldn’t ordinarily spend time with.
Which is exactly what I did recently as part of a conference for remote workers. 150 or so of us convened in Albania for 3 days to talk about everything from co-working to sustainability to how to not be an insufferable digital nomad.
I met a lot of great people, ones I hope I’ll keep in contact with, travel with, and have fun with as time goes on.
But I also met a lot of people who, frankly, I didn’t relate to at all. I encountered more productivity bros than at a Tim Ferriss convention. I met people who love the hustle - 12 / 14 hour days working on their whatever. I met people who were driven by cash, consumerism, and cachet.
And I met many, many people who worship at the font of busyness.
After a couple of days, it started to test my resolve. There are only so many times you can explain you write about simple living and minimalism to someone who believes that busyness is the only barometer of success, before you start to question everything.
It got me thinking. If I wasn’t completely ruthless with who I spend my time with — if I worked for a company whose culture worshiped busyness — how long would it take me before my resolve to live a simple, unbusy life faltered completely?
In other words, when you’re surrounded by people who worship at the font of busyness, how the hell do you stop yourself from doing the same?
***
There’s no easy answer here. Everyone listens to other people’s opinions to varying degrees. Everyone’s commitments are different. Some people have kids, parents, and big friendship groups to contend with while others don’t.
Despite everyone’s differing commitments, there is one truism that runs through almost all of us.
We have been told - and thus believe - that busy = self-worth and status. So we aspire to it.
Busy means we are in demand. We’re hot property. We’re the person everyone wants to be around. And that makes us feel good.
We’ve also been told that busy means we’re “doing life right.”
***
This is what you’re told:
If you’re a parent and you’re not busy, are you doing right by your child? Could you do more for them? If so, why are you not? Is it because you’re a selfish parent who puts their needs in front of their kids?
If you’re career-focused and you’re not busy at work then are you good enough for a promotion? Won’t your boss choose the person who puts more hours into their work?
*Eye roll*
Most of us know that we’ve got this whole busy-self-worth thing back to front. Most of us know that being busy is neither productive nor particularly desirable anymore. We feel it in our bones - we’re exhausted because we have worshipped at the font of busyness for so long.
And for every article out there — like this one — advocating for a less busy, hectic lifestyle, there are thousands more voices that say busy is still the epitome of self-worth.
But many of those voices come from people around us. And as they say, you can’t change the people around you but you can change the people around you.
Change those people, change the way you see busyness.
Nowadays I worship people who aren’t busy. I have a friend from Finland, a country well-known for people who fiercely protect their well-being and their time. She stood on that stage in Albania in front of hundreds of people and told them that she does the least amount of work required of her to lead the life she wants.
In a sea of busy worship, it was refreshing to hear someone say this. And interestingly, the feedback she got around the room was…
Good for her.
Like me, she has fought hard for that life. She has intentionally said no to a lot in order to gain the life she has. No to the big house, the car, the lifestyle inflation. She doesn’t need to be busy because she doesn’t spend much.
But more than that, she has disconnected busyness from self-worth. She didn’t feel the need to stand up and fabricate a busy life. And for that, she was both respected and envied.
As she should be.
***
The TL:DR is that to stop worship at the font of busyness, you start with your mindset.
Sure there are practical things you can do but mindset is the first, very important step:
Find people like my friend to inspire you.
Forget busy = self-worth.
Understand that busy is not the same as productive.
Create your own simple living cocoon - at least during your downtime - which keeps you on the straight and narrow.
Reduce your time on social media - especially platforms where busy worship abounds.
Strengthen that resolve. That way when your boss, friends, family, or anyone else you meet, tells you you should be busier than you are, you can tell them where to stick it.
Welcome, new subscribers
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Setting up your weekend
3 articles from my collection (paywall free)
8 Times the Phrase “Just Because You Can, Doesn’t Mean You Should” Could Save You from Yourself
Prison Inmates Spend More Time Outside Every Day than Most Free Americans
Of All the Reasons Not to Travel and Work Remotely, Age Shouldn’t Be One of Them
The best pieces of content I’ve consumed this week
Documentary - Eat The Rich (Netflix). If, like me, you were fascinated by what happened with the GameStop saga a couple of years ago, this is the documentary for you.
Article - 7 Attempts at Starting an Essay About Dubai by Benjamin Davis. Warning: don’t read if you like Dubai.
Such a great point that we’re pretty much conditioned to equate busy with success. I’m a stay at home mom who homeschools and can still prioritize time to read, write, and exercise. It’s not always easy but it’s possible because our schedule isn’t booked solid from wake up to bedtime.
I always say that my life is boring, but actually it’s just not busy. I can’t imagine having all my time filled with stuff to do and people to see. Lately I’ve been also trying to work out how to create a life that’s even more simple and even more mine. I’m so done with the society of consumerism and always striving for more. I wish we’d all wake up and see the damage it’s making.