Its not my intention to glamorize housewifery of the 1960s-70s, but when my mother was a stay-at-home wife raising kids in the US suburbs, she had the burst-in-the-door/spontaneous coffee/drop off your kids because you were losing your mind kind of friendships that sound a lot like what you write about. Ten years later, as a military wife, when my father was sent to Vietnam, we were part of an enormous group of essentially single parents - crowds of kids and moms would gather on the weekends for support in the form of mass shared childcare over pool parties.
I suspect these structures depended too much on the regular, predictable, planned absence of the husbands - at dinner time (or when the deployment ended), the women would gather their kids and go home. But there was something so full of life and air in the meantime. Life was easy -- and more fun -- to carry in these larger, fluid groups. Close friendships formed in them, but the groups began as sort of informal mutual aid.
Perhaps time, and shared experience, are missing ingredients?
Two of my closest friends live in England and Scotland, whereas I live in Canada. I also have a very close friend (since kindergarten in fact) who lives a mere 2000 km (1300 miles) away in Canada, in the province of Manitoba. I have not ever granted these friends "second-class" status in my life. The European friends became my pals while I was living alone in a large city in Canada, and we have been close for over 30 years now. I'm going to see them again this summer as they are coming to Canada for a convention.
All great points. Moving, having kids, prioritizing jobs and higher education have all resulted in living far away from my friends. I feel their absence and agree it shouldn’t be seen as weird to move nearby or stay close with such an important part of life.
Oh my goodness, bugger real life friends, you and I need to be friends! ;) My two dogs (what are your furries? I love all animals , just curious) are definitely my best friends (I don’t seem to manage to do a lot of irl friend stuff as I live between 3 places and on top of that need a lot of time to myself to stay sane!), I am 49 and my husband is Bosnian!
We've got our own digital nomad family as well!
It's great, isn't it!
Its not my intention to glamorize housewifery of the 1960s-70s, but when my mother was a stay-at-home wife raising kids in the US suburbs, she had the burst-in-the-door/spontaneous coffee/drop off your kids because you were losing your mind kind of friendships that sound a lot like what you write about. Ten years later, as a military wife, when my father was sent to Vietnam, we were part of an enormous group of essentially single parents - crowds of kids and moms would gather on the weekends for support in the form of mass shared childcare over pool parties.
I suspect these structures depended too much on the regular, predictable, planned absence of the husbands - at dinner time (or when the deployment ended), the women would gather their kids and go home. But there was something so full of life and air in the meantime. Life was easy -- and more fun -- to carry in these larger, fluid groups. Close friendships formed in them, but the groups began as sort of informal mutual aid.
Perhaps time, and shared experience, are missing ingredients?
Agreed, time and shared experience are definitely important. And I do think it's a shame that drop-in culture has diminished over the years
Great article, important topic
Thanks Emma
Two of my closest friends live in England and Scotland, whereas I live in Canada. I also have a very close friend (since kindergarten in fact) who lives a mere 2000 km (1300 miles) away in Canada, in the province of Manitoba. I have not ever granted these friends "second-class" status in my life. The European friends became my pals while I was living alone in a large city in Canada, and we have been close for over 30 years now. I'm going to see them again this summer as they are coming to Canada for a convention.
That's great, Carol!
We moved away for three years then moved back. The main reason for returning was friends. Family came second.
All great points. Moving, having kids, prioritizing jobs and higher education have all resulted in living far away from my friends. I feel their absence and agree it shouldn’t be seen as weird to move nearby or stay close with such an important part of life.
Agreed!
Yes! Agree. When I retired a big requirement was to be closer to my long time friends. It's working out wonderfully!!
That's great!
Oh my goodness, bugger real life friends, you and I need to be friends! ;) My two dogs (what are your furries? I love all animals , just curious) are definitely my best friends (I don’t seem to manage to do a lot of irl friend stuff as I live between 3 places and on top of that need a lot of time to myself to stay sane!), I am 49 and my husband is Bosnian!
I agree, other people definitely don't factor in friends which is such a sad thing in itself. Sounds like an interesting life you led instead!