I used to prioritise my friends but it became clear that I was not on their priorities list, no-one ever seemed to factor in friends.
And so when, at the age of 22, I was offered a job as an aid worker and NGO official photographer in Bosnia (the war had just ended, sort of) I packed up and left, never to look back.
I’ve remained wondering around with my camera and rucksack ever since, no regrets.
Actually that’s not quite right, ill health and injuries have grounded me for the last few years. This has been a shock to the system!
Now at the age of 51 (how did that happen??) I’m being forced to completely rethink/recreate my life, but friends will still never factor into any of my decisions. Whether this will change as I get even older, who knows?
One thing I do know is that my 2 furry best mates, that I have adopted since having my wings clipped, will always be my top priority 😊
Its not my intention to glamorize housewifery of the 1960s-70s, but when my mother was a stay-at-home wife raising kids in the US suburbs, she had the burst-in-the-door/spontaneous coffee/drop off your kids because you were losing your mind kind of friendships that sound a lot like what you write about. Ten years later, as a military wife, when my father was sent to Vietnam, we were part of an enormous group of essentially single parents - crowds of kids and moms would gather on the weekends for support in the form of mass shared childcare over pool parties.
I suspect these structures depended too much on the regular, predictable, planned absence of the husbands - at dinner time (or when the deployment ended), the women would gather their kids and go home. But there was something so full of life and air in the meantime. Life was easy -- and more fun -- to carry in these larger, fluid groups. Close friendships formed in them, but the groups began as sort of informal mutual aid.
Perhaps time, and shared experience, are missing ingredients?
Two of my closest friends live in England and Scotland, whereas I live in Canada. I also have a very close friend (since kindergarten in fact) who lives a mere 2000 km (1300 miles) away in Canada, in the province of Manitoba. I have not ever granted these friends "second-class" status in my life. The European friends became my pals while I was living alone in a large city in Canada, and we have been close for over 30 years now. I'm going to see them again this summer as they are coming to Canada for a convention.
All great points. Moving, having kids, prioritizing jobs and higher education have all resulted in living far away from my friends. I feel their absence and agree it shouldn’t be seen as weird to move nearby or stay close with such an important part of life.
I used to prioritise my friends but it became clear that I was not on their priorities list, no-one ever seemed to factor in friends.
And so when, at the age of 22, I was offered a job as an aid worker and NGO official photographer in Bosnia (the war had just ended, sort of) I packed up and left, never to look back.
I’ve remained wondering around with my camera and rucksack ever since, no regrets.
Actually that’s not quite right, ill health and injuries have grounded me for the last few years. This has been a shock to the system!
Now at the age of 51 (how did that happen??) I’m being forced to completely rethink/recreate my life, but friends will still never factor into any of my decisions. Whether this will change as I get even older, who knows?
One thing I do know is that my 2 furry best mates, that I have adopted since having my wings clipped, will always be my top priority 😊
They’re the silver lining to this story.
We've got our own digital nomad family as well!
Its not my intention to glamorize housewifery of the 1960s-70s, but when my mother was a stay-at-home wife raising kids in the US suburbs, she had the burst-in-the-door/spontaneous coffee/drop off your kids because you were losing your mind kind of friendships that sound a lot like what you write about. Ten years later, as a military wife, when my father was sent to Vietnam, we were part of an enormous group of essentially single parents - crowds of kids and moms would gather on the weekends for support in the form of mass shared childcare over pool parties.
I suspect these structures depended too much on the regular, predictable, planned absence of the husbands - at dinner time (or when the deployment ended), the women would gather their kids and go home. But there was something so full of life and air in the meantime. Life was easy -- and more fun -- to carry in these larger, fluid groups. Close friendships formed in them, but the groups began as sort of informal mutual aid.
Perhaps time, and shared experience, are missing ingredients?
Great article, important topic
Two of my closest friends live in England and Scotland, whereas I live in Canada. I also have a very close friend (since kindergarten in fact) who lives a mere 2000 km (1300 miles) away in Canada, in the province of Manitoba. I have not ever granted these friends "second-class" status in my life. The European friends became my pals while I was living alone in a large city in Canada, and we have been close for over 30 years now. I'm going to see them again this summer as they are coming to Canada for a convention.
We moved away for three years then moved back. The main reason for returning was friends. Family came second.
All great points. Moving, having kids, prioritizing jobs and higher education have all resulted in living far away from my friends. I feel their absence and agree it shouldn’t be seen as weird to move nearby or stay close with such an important part of life.
Yes! Agree. When I retired a big requirement was to be closer to my long time friends. It's working out wonderfully!!