Why the Crazy Cat Lady Stereotype Is Especially Problematic for Women Without Children

“Childless cat ladies” comments are just the tip of the iceberg

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I originally wrote this story last year in response to J.D Vance’s “childless cat lady” comments. It became one of the most successful stories I’ve ever written.

But these themes are universal and long-lasting — it all rings true today just as much as a year ago.

Unfortunately.

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I love kittens more than babies.

Kids are great, but have you seen kittens?

Sometimes it occurs to me that adopting a bunch of cats would be a far easier, cheaper alternative to fertility treatments. But that would put me dangerously close to crazy cat lady territory. The sad, often single (but not exclusively), childless woman who surrounds herself with cats whose faeces addle her brain.

It’s a stereotype sure, but one whose claws have dug deep into our psyche and, much like my old cat once did, refuses to let go.

The crazy cat lady is an easy jab at women who don’t toe the societal line, be that by choice or circumstance. And whilst it might seem cute to lean into the stereotype — hell yeah I’m a crazy cat lady — it’s more damaging than you think.

For both women and cats.

Careful or you might become Eleanor Abernathy

Despite all the evidence suggesting that child-free women are happier than those with kids, they are still depicted as sad, pathetic entities who use cats as a poor substitute for the real deal.

We still use the cat lady stereotype as a way to police women. As a cautionary tale about what will happen to you if you don’t marry and settle down with kids.

Like The Simpsons’ Eleanor Abernathy a.k.a. Crazy Cat Lady.

Abernathy went to Yale and Harvard and wanted to be both a doctor and a lawyer. Instead, she became a gibbering old single woman who throws her consortium of cats at anyone who comes close.

Then there’s the famous Saturday Night Live Christmas with the Cat Lady skit where Robert DeNiro plays a woman named Margie who “had dreams until she was kicked by a horse.”

Then she got cats.

These are, of course, comedic characters scripted for TV. But the reason they are so popular (Abernathy was supposed to be a one-time character but ended up in 42 episodes) is because the stereotype runs deep within the zeitgeist.

And it makes just as many appearances in real life.

Just look at Trump’s running mate J.D. Vance who went viral thanks to a 2022 Fox News interview.

His comments were discredited across the internet for many reasons. More than that, they are also incredibly telling of how the crazy cat lady stereotype is still being used to belittle women, especially of the single, child-free variety.

On a personal level, it’s exhausting to be forced to prove that my love of cats has nothing to do with my child-free status and everything to do with that I’ve loved them since I was a kid.

Thinking about my forever love of cats has got me wondering. At what age do you go from a cat-lover to a crazy cat lady? When does it go from cute to sad?

And why does it not happen to dudes? After all, 48% of Millennial men — compared to 35% of women — are cat owners.

And if owning cats means you’re crazy (or indeed make you crazy), why are there not whole families standing on their porches spouting gibberish and throwing cats at random passers-by?

Why is it only women of a certain age?

And I don’t want to feel like a failure. I just want a cat because I love cats.

Cats have forever been associated with women

In ancient civilisations — when women had a better time of it — the cat/woman alliance was considered a good thing.

There’s Freya, the Norse goddess of fertility and love, who rode a chariot pulled by cats. The Egyptians had Bastet, the half-cat-half-woman goddess of fertility and domesticity.

The eagle-eyed among you may notice that both these goddesses were — ironically for the modern-day crazy cat lady — purveyors of fertility. And they both had children.

But then we had the 17th century witch hunts.

It’s been well-documented that so-called witches were really just strong, often older women stacked with knowledge. They were herbalists. They brought life into the world. They knew stuff.

But it can be dangerous to be a knowledgeable woman. So we turned them into witches. Witch trials were a very convenient way to suppress women’s strength and power and to scare other women into toeing the line.

And where there were witches, there were cats.

It’s suggested the initial link came from folk stories about witches turning themselves into cats to attack men. It got worse for cats in the Middle Ages, when they were considered satanic.

The association stuck. It stuck so hard we still associate witches with cats, as anyone who has read Meg and Mog will know.

In other words, where there are women — especially women who refuse to conform to social norms — cats have never been far behind. And we’ve made horror stories of them.

There is one more group who are disadvantaged by the crazy cat lady stereotype.

Cats.

This is especially true for black cats thanks to their reputation of being the bearers of bad luck. And it’s no coincidence the black cat is the favourite companion of — you guessed it — witches.

That hits home when you realise that half a million cats are euthanised every year in the US alone. And black cats bear the brunt of that.

The crazy cat lady myth is doubly sad when you think about how amazing cats are for mental health.

They could save your sanity, not destroy it.

In other words, there is no longer room in this world for the crazy cat lady. She should have died a long time ago.

She should never have existed in the first place.

As for my child-free existence, whilst I used to have a cat before my reproductive system became an issue for me, right now, cats don’t fit into my life. My apartment is too small and I travel too much.

But that will change one day. One day, I’ll have a brood.

That will happen whether I eventually have kids or not. At that point, you might be tempted to call me a crazy cat lady.

But I think it’s the sanest idea I’ve ever had.