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I’m going to go out on a limb here and posit that the cost of living crisis has hit you in one way or the other over the last few months. And I’m sure it’s not escaped your notice that it’s the most wonderful time of the consumerist year in just 16 days.
A good mix this does not make.
As a minimalist, I’ve struggled with Christmas gift-giving for the last 7 or 8 years. I want to make effort with the people I love but I hate the transactional nature of the whole thing.
I hate that sometimes I don’t have the money to gift to those I love the most because Christmas tradition dictates if they’re not family, they don’t get a gift.
I hate people feeling forced to “buy for a minimalist” which, let’s face it, is no easy feat.
I hate that gift-giving puts people into debt, stresses people out and takes over everything. Just because a few Kings gave Jesus a little present (they were Kings, they could afford it).
If you think you want to gift-give in a different way this year thanks to that cost of living crisis, here are some ideas for you.
Intentionally buy small
In the past I’ve been guilty of buying bigger, more expensive presents than I needed to because I worry I’ll look cheap if I don’t.
This year, I’ve done it differently and have intentionally bought small but well-considered gifts.
My sister-in-law is going to get some earrings made in Mostar in Bosnia by a dude who told me his life story - he’s a Muslim, his wife is a Christian (if you know anything about Bosnia’s history, you’ll know why this is significant) and they have 2 sons, one of which whom makes jewelry with him in a tiny little workshop. Cost - $5.
My father is going to have a bottle of Raki — a fiery homemade spirit — that an Albanian winemaker who spoke no English gave me as a parting gift. I am not partial to Raki but my dad is - and he works in Albania 3 months a year. Cost - $0
My mother is going to receive a bottle of Sherry that she went nuts for when she visited me in the home of Sherry — Jerez — just a few weeks ago. Cost - $7.
These are not expensive gifts, but they are meaningful, which IMO is more important.
And if anyone signals that you didn’t spend enough, do they really deserve a gift in the first place?
Secret Santa, family-style
About 2 months ago, my cousin-in-law texted the family WhatsApp group asking if the adults of the family could do Secret Santa-style gifts this year.
Yes please!
We set a $40 budget and I only have one gift to buy for the whole of my husband’s family.
I can tell you — because she’s 93 and doesn’t read this newsletter — that my Secret Santa is my grandmother-in-law. She loves scarves so I spent some time in Rome picking out a gorgeous olive-green (her color) silk scarf from a specialist merchant.
Only having one present to buy is transformative. I don’t have to haul my ass around shops. I had time to carefully think about what to buy. And my wallet is happy.
This is one tradition I hope sticks.
The all-in-one gift method
Similar to Secret Santa but a little more elaborate is the all-in-one gift method. Say you were going to spend $20 on each of your family members. Instead of everyone buying one person myriad different items for $20 each, you pool the money and get them one item that they really want at a higher price tag.
10 people going in on this could mean a budget of $200 for one gift which affords frankly much better value than 10 x $20 trinkets.
Because they’re only getting one item, you could reduce the budget per person and they would still get something pretty sweet.
The only-buy-for-kids method
For many years, my husband and I have asked our close adult family members if they would like to skip gifts for us this year and we’ll do the same for them - but we will still buy for their kids (if they have any).
They’ve always jumped at the chance to knock two people off their Christmas list.
Give the gift of time
I gave my brother a call on his birthday last month and asked him what he was up to. He told me that because he and his wife are financially struggling with the cost of living crisis, she didn’t buy him a present. Instead, she took their kids off for the day so my brother could do anything he wanted on his own all day long.
I hear that’s like heaven for parents with young kids.
His wife, he told me, felt really guilty about not getting him a gift (if you believe in love languages, hers is definitely gift-giving). We had a long conversation about the merits of giving the gift of time because, as he told me, he was having the time of his life that day. And it cost nothing but a few hours of his wife’s time.
It may be a cliché but giving the gift of time is priceless. None of us have enough of it and many of us feel guilty about taking it. Offering your time to someone — be it babysitting, dinner, regularly helping them with chores or all other manner of ways — could be the best gift anyone could receive.
The singular-item method
The singular item method is when you decide you’ll buy everyone on your list the same thing. One year it could be books, another, plants, another, food.
The budget for these sorts of presents can be low - $10 or so - and they can still be personalized to everyone’s tastes.
The benefits of the singular-item method are kick ass. Less time spent shopping and thinking about what that person might want (especially good if Great Uncle Bob - who you barely know - is coming for Christmas) and the low budget saves you cash.
The no-gift method
Just sod it - all of it. Tell your friends and family you’re not able to partake in Christmas gift-giving this year. These are the people that are supposed to love you no matter what. They should love you just as much if you opt out of the whole shebang.
There is so much pressure to make the 25th of December the best day of the year, and presents are a big part of this.
Except, they don’t have to be.
Keep it small. Keep it experience-focused. Keep it thoughtful.
In the spirit of experience-based thoughtful gifts, I think now is a good time to suggest gifting a Simple and Straightforward subscription ⬇️
You can choose between giving stocking filler-sized month taster for $5 or a yearly $50 subscription.
For that, every week they’ll receive 2 essays about simple, sustainable, intentional living and a waste-reducing, flexible recipe in my one-woman attempt to help reduce the 40% of food wasted across the US every year.
Only 1% of consumer goods — many of which are bought at Christmas — are in use 6 months later. Subscriptions cut through all that crap.
3 articles from my collection (paywall free)
The best pieces of content I’ve consumed this week
Article - 12 not-so-fun festive facts - a good reminder to be mindful this Christmas.
Publication - City Life - My friend
has just started a new publication (literally last night) on Medium all about living the good life in cities. I’ll also be contributing articles because if there is one thing Rocco and I have in common, it’s our love of urban areas. You need a Medium subscription to read City Life, but if you have one - or are thinking about getting one - get your ass over there and give the publication a follow.Book - Grit by Angela Duckworth. Grit is all about questioning our society’s obsession with talent. It poses the question - what’s more important, talent or determination? Judging by the book’s name, you can probably guess the answer…
Thanks for the shoutout. Love the ideas in this article. My partner and I set a $50 limit for one another and are calling our trip to Spain and Italy in February our gift to one another. My daughter is now 19, so the game changes there a bit too! :-)