Flamenco, Sunshine, and Living a Simple Life Andalusian-style
Learnings from 4 weeks in Jerez
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It’s a damp Friday night and the streets of Jerez in southern Spain are filled to bursting. All around is the clap-clap-clap of people tapping out Flamenco rhythms as they drink a beer. The sound of camareros (waiters) shouting orders to colleagues in the kitchen. And always at this time of year, the sound of the Zambomba - a traditional friction drum made from a clay pot, goat skin and rubber - keeping the rhythm going as thousands sing Flamenco-inspired Christmas carols in every square around town.
We enter a small bar, famous for its Flamenco. The bar staff greet us warmly - it’s not our first time in here.
No hay mucha gente Inglesa esta noche! - there are not many English in here tonight! - they joke with us as we order our sherries and take our usual spot close to the tiny little stage set up at the back of the bar.
There may not be many English, but there are scores of Spaniards eating jamón and montaditos - small sandwiches that are served in every bar around here.
As the Flamenco trio takes to the tiny stage — one singer, one dancer, and one guitarist — the room falls silent. They know what is about to happen.
The guitarist strums an impossible-looking palo — Flamenco song — as the performers begin their descent into an all-encompassing world where literally nothing else matters other than what is being sung, strung, and danced.
Flamenco is intense and tonight, it’s particularly so. The room is quiet. Hardly anyone — other than a couple of tourists — have their phones out. Even the bar staff have stopped what they are doing to watch.
The first time I watched Flamenco in this very bar back in 2015 — with these very performers — I had to leave in order to take big gulps of air as I bawled my eyes out in the little alleyway behind the bar, such was the emotion of the performance. I watched the same thing happen to my mother-in-law when she visited last week.
It’s what good Flamenco does to you. It makes you feel.
To become an excellent Flamenco artist, you have to be able to shut out all distractions. Your phone, the people around you, and everything that makes our modern world such a busy place - gone. You replace it with raw emotion and, if you’re lucky, Duende.
Duende is a state of mind where a performer channels so much emotion and power into their creative work that it becomes transcendental. They go within themselves until they think of nothing more than what they are doing at that very moment. If you’re lucky, Duende will hit you as a spectator. It’s a hard thing to describe but it’s almost like the artist is channeling everything they feel right into your own veins.
I’ve felt Duende only a few times in my life and always in that little bar in Jerez.
Every time I visit this bar — which at the moment is about twice a week — I’m reminded that the busier and more distracted we become in this modern age, the less room we have in our lives for creativity, passion, emotion, life.
And even more concerningly, the less room we have for feeling human.
To re-connect with ourselves, we have to become unbusy.
***
Becoming unbusy has been a work in progress for me ever since I sold my business back in 2020. After 8 years of 50-70 hour weeks and a nervous breakdown, I knew I had to figure out a way to live that didn’t require almost killing myself for the sake of looking like a productive, successful human.
Even in my now very flexible life, I still feel the need to busy myself. I’m scared of boredom and I’m highly ambitious - not exactly a winning combination when it comes to slowing down.
Which is why I love to spend time in places like Jerez. There is nothing quite like watching people who have got this slow, simple life down to a T to remind me that I don’t have to work at 100 miles an hour just because my friends, family, and peers decide that’s the life they want.
Flamenco is a great reminder about what can happen when we shut out the superfluous and focus our efforts on just one endeavor. But down here, there are smaller daily reminders about how incredible an unbusy life can be.
It all starts with the way many Andalusians prioritize their time.
***
My husband went for a haircut the other day. He told me that he and the barber had a great chat about what it means to be Andalusian.
Andalusia es muy pobre, pero somos amable, nos encanta nuestra familias - y nos encanta la fiesta!
Andaulsia is poor but we are friendly, we love our families - and we love a party!
Down here — as in much of Spain — the emphasis for how you prioritize your time is firmly on family, friends, and socializing. As I say, the streets swell with thousands of people every weekend, something I have never seen in even the most densely populated parts of the UK. Just last night it took me 15 minutes to walk to the supermarket a mere 600 feet away. The streets hummed.
They swell with life because people here prioritize experiences, many of which are centred around hanging out with other people.
Because what else would you spend your money on? Housing isn’t really a thing here - you can own a small apartment or a slightly larger apartment - them’s your choices even if you have a lot of money.
You can buy a car for sure, but the center of town is largely pedestrianized and a grocery store or market is never more than 15 minutes walk away. And the roads are so narrow that it makes no sense to own something any larger than a Honda Civic (even that would be a squeeze).
You can spend on household goods and clothes and gadgets, and I’m sure some people do. But people here also tell me that they would rather spend what little money they have on a dinner with their friends or a drink with their family or breakfast at their favorite cafe every day than stuff.
Around here, a busy, crowded life would just lead to confusion. Why would you want to do that when you can drink a beer in the sun?
In other words, being unbusy is a way of life.
***
Now, we have an oxymoron in our midst. Because how can people be unbusy here if they spend all their free time socializing?
Easy. Intention.
When they socialize, it’s intentional. They want to - if they didn’t, they wouldn’t.
That’s the Spanish way.
And because they prioritize experiences with the people they love over stuff or housing or cars, their days are simply less hectic. They have fewer chores to do around the house. Fewer trips to the garage. Fewer hours spent shopping.
They intentionally structure their lives to put experiences first. And that makes life here incredibly simple. Or at least it has the potential to be because the culture allows for it. You’re not going to be dismissed as unambitious or lazy or unproductive if you choose to live a simple life here - you’re going to be applauded for your kickass prioritization skills.
And this, my friends, is an attitude we could all do with learning.
***
Next week I return to the UK for Christmas and I am determined to remain as unbusy as I have been in Andalusia.
It’s a challenge. If you live in a place that makes you feel like a lazy so-and-so for being unbusy, how do you remain steadfast in your resolve?
For my part, I’m going to remember to think like a Spaniard. No excuses for who I am or who I want to be. No getting swayed by crappy appointments and social engagements. Prioritize, prioritize, prioritize.
And I’m going to remember the Flamenco. The dancers who pour their all into their work and the spectators who feel that passion to the very core of their soul. No distractions. Turn that phone off. Revel in the small moments. Focus. Believe that there is more to life than just making it through every day.
Life is for living and it’s for feeling. Becoming unbusy will get you there.
Christmas is in T-minus 5 days…
Time for some S+S housekeeping.
First, I really hope you get some time to yourself this Christmas break, whatever you’re up to, be it relaxing, working, seeing friends and family or other.
Second, I’m taking this week and next off Simple and Straightforward - that’s from 19th December to 2nd January. I’m heading back to the UK for the first time since August this week and I want - nay need - to spend time with my family.
You’ll still get mailouts this week because I worked like a demon last week to get them written, but forgive me if I don’t get back to your comments and emails until the new year. I’ve not taken time out from S+S for 16 months and if there is something we advocate around here, it’s taking time off when you need it.
I’ll be back with a new look, a new focus and even better content at the very beginning of January.
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They’ll get access to the full archive of S+S recipes, essays, and discussions to keep them entertained until we get going again on 2nd January.