Dejunk Yourself Week Seven: Kids=Crap
Less a slight on your kid, more a comment on how much stuff comes with their existence
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OK so I have to admit something here. As much as I would like a child, it’s not yet happened for me.
So instead of spouting my own opinions on children and clutter here (much of which I’m sure is unrealistic), I turned to my friends and family who do have children and live decluttered minimalistic lives. I grilled them on how they do it.
Here’s what they had to say.
Start early
If you’ve not got kids but want them — or are indeed pregnant or your kid is very young — this is the time to start thinking about your kid-stuff-strategy.
I’ll always remember when a friend of mine was 8 months pregnant but hadn’t yet bought much for the child.
“Aren’t you worried if the kid comes early and you’re not ready?” I asked her.
“No, if it comes, I send someone to buy diapers and some romper suits. Then we’re ready.”
Extreme? Maybe. But what it meant is that she didn’t buy everything she thought the child would need before it was even born. She waited until it arrived then figured it out from there. The result was a clutter-ish-free house with enough toys and stuff to keep her kid happy, comfortable, and entertained, but not so much it became a problem.
Prevention is better than cure as they say and never was this more true than when are dealing with an instant-gratification-loving tiny human into the world.
Take it slow
From what I gather, kids are not that keen on changes to routines. You probably can’t go from thrice-weekly trips to the toy shop and near-unlimited screen time to nada. Nor can you expect them to be any good at jettisoning their toys.
I’ve seen enough kids decide a toy is of utmost important to them when their parent suggests a clearout, even if they haven’t played with it in months.
So take it slow.
Be an inspiration
This little nugget of gold came from my cousin who has three children.
If you love stuff, your kids are probably going to love stuff too.
My cousin isn’t that bothered about the stuff. She’s much more into spending time outside, growing vegetables in the allotment, #vanlife and camping. And her kids follow her lead.
Change starts with you - you’re the adult, the one your kids look up to. So be an inspiration.
Get them to help with decluttering
It seems obvious, but getting your child involved is point numero uno when it comes to getting them on board the declutter train. Because your child probably isn’t going to be all that happy to return home from nursery or school and see you’ve decluttered for them.
This is one great way to do this - use gratitude.
I’ve seen many minimalists talk about this, but the most powerful example comes from my own experience.
Back in 1990, my parents, my brother, and I went to Romania to work in the orphanages (if you’re not acquainted with what happened to Romania’s children at this time, read this). We filled a van with medicines, supplies, and toys and drove three days from the UK to Romania.
At that time, I was five years old and rather obsessed with a particular soft toy. I wasn’t going to give that toy up for anything.
Until we got to the orphanage.
I remember my mom telling me these kids had nothing and no one. One baby stuck his hands through the cot at me and my toy. My little 5-year-old brain knew what I had to do - I gave the baby my toy.
I’m not saying you need to send your kids to orphanages to see how other children live, but there are definitely ways to help them understand that some kids need their toys more than they do - especially if they no longer play with them. A friend of mine takes her kids to charity stores and explains how they work, for instance. She tells me it works wonders on her 9-year-old.
Find a way to speak to your kids about this - because teaching them gratitude is an amazing gift.
Keep firm boundaries
One friend of mine told me that she has firm boundaries when it comes to whereabouts her child’s stuff is allowed in the house.
The bedroom is her kid’s personal space - they can do what they like as much as they like in there.
The rest of the house however, is “adult space.” Toys are allowed temporarily, but they are never allowed to live there - and the kid knows it.
She has been pretty strict in these boundaries and she says everyone is happy. Her kid likes it because they have autonomy over their own room (they can make as much mess as they like in there). The adults like it because the clutter is contained. And it teaches her kid respect for other people’s space. Plus, the kid’s room is only so big, so it can only contain so much stuff.
It’s a win-win.
Use the lure of money
My parents used to do this with me and my friend Rowena told me not 10 minutes ago it works for her 9-year-old: get them to sell their stuff.
In the eighties, we called them jumble sales, I hear in America it’s called a yard sale - a place where kids can grab all their unused toys and sell them to make some cash cash, money money, either for themselves or even for charity.
Apparently, it works a treat.
Don’t keep old kid stuff “just in case”
This is something some of the older parents I spoke to told me. Those that used to be sat on baby clothes even though their kids were nearing teenage years.
It may seem counterintuitive. After all, if you think you might have another child, wouldn’t it be better to keep all the first child’s stuff?
My friends say no. Why?
One, a lot of stuff can’t be re-used. Kids DESTROY things from toys to clothes.
Second, you are going to get a lot of stuff bought for the newborn, so you’re probably not going to need everything you saved from the first one.
Third, kids’ stuff takes up a lot of room which may lead you to think things like “I need a bigger house” or “I need a storage unit” which will cost way more than having to re-buy the occasional outfit or toy.
My friends told me they did keep hold of some things, just not everything. And they didn’t regret it.
Ask people to gift things other than toys
As much as I can, I try to give my nieces and nephew experiences other than toys. Two of them are quite young and don’t even notice that Auntie Charlie hasn’t brought them a physical gift. But they do remember experiences like going for ice cream or soft play (the parents are more than happy too - they get a babysitter).
There are thousands of things you can give your kid other than stuff
Rather than reinvent the wheel, I suggest you read Joshua Becker’s excellent story called 35 Gifts Your Children Will Never Forget for some excellent ideas about what to give a child other than stuff.
Resources
French children don’t throw food by Pamela Druckerman - If I ever have a kid, this will be my parenting bible.
Why Fewer Toys Will Benefit Your Kids - Joshua Becker
No Excuses: Minimalism with Kids - Leo Babuta
15 Clutter Busting Routines For Any Family - Joshua Becker
Kids’ stuff - Podcast by The Minimalists