Dear Charlie, My Friends Are the Poster Children for Excessive Consumerism. What Do I Do?

Your simple living questions answered

It’s the first Tuesday of the month which means I’m answering your questions about simple living.

This is a new feature and I’ve already had a couple of banger questions from the S+S community which I’m excited to get stuck into.

But I need your help for June.

If you’ve got a question you want me to answer here, just fill out this form. It can be about absolutely anything linked to living more simply and intentionally. Because to paraphrase an old saying, a problem shared on the internet is a problem halved.

“Dear Charlie” is largely a paid subscriber perk but I’ve removed the paywall this week so you can see how it works. If you want to subscribe to get full access to Simple and Straightforward, you can do so here:

Rest assured however that if you ask a question, you will get the answer emailed to you whether you are a paid subscriber or not.

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First up I’ve had this question about decluttering from Nancy:

I want to live a simpler life, declutter, all of it. I've done a really good job of limiting the amount of new stuff I bring into my life.

What I'm struggling with now is the emotional roller coaster of getting rid of the old stuff - I might need it, it reminds me of X person who has died, I can't just add it to landfill when someone else might be able to use it, and on and on and on.

Any suggestions for lightening the mental load of simplifying and keeping the momentum going?

Ah yes, the old emotional declutter. This is a super common question and I’m not surprised. Stuff is important, it holds memories, there’s the sunk cost of how much you paid for it - the list goes on and on.

My perspective on this is slightly odd because back in 2020 I really did throw, give away, or sold almost everything I owned. It was like the ultimate experiment in minimalism from which I learned a lot about what to throw, and how.

Here’s what I would do if I was to do it again:

Start with the easy stuff. You’ve gotta work up to the emotional items so start with things you never use or that you regret buying. Digitize any receipts or paperwork you can. Donate paperbacks you’ve not read in years. Throw or give away duplicates of everything.

It’s only once you get into the habit of decluttering that you can start with the emotional items.

Know that decluttering can take years. I started in 2014 and I didn’t get to where I truly wanted to be until 2020. You don’t have to decide whether to hold onto sentimental items or not right away, you can think about it for as long as you want.

Some people I know limit how many sentimental items they keep by physically limiting how much space they’re allowed to take up. For instance, you could have a shoebox or a plastic tub that holds sentimental items from a loved one or from someone who has died. If an item doesn’t fit into the box, it doesn’t make the cut. It’s a good way to realize what you truly want to keep. The box size could also change over time. It could start large and reduce as you realize you don’t need to keep as much as you thought.

Remember that physical decluttering = emotional decluttering. This was super helpful for me when I decluttered my house back in 2014. The more (useless) stuff I threw, the lighter my mental load became, which made it easier to keep on going.

In terms of knowing what to throw, what to sell, and what to give away, I had a hierarchy. If an item was good enough to sell, I tried to do that via places like Facebook Marketplace or eBay. If it didn’t sell after a week or two, I reduced the price for another week. If it still didn’t sell, I gave it away to a local charity shop, friends or family. If it wasn’t suitable for that but was recyclable, I recycled it. Throwing it in landfill was the last resort.

When it comes to knowing if you might need something again, this is a tricky one, especially if you don’t earn a lot, so can’t follow the usual advice of re-buying the item if it turns out in the future that you really did need it.

The best advice I can give about this is that in 9 out of 10 instances (or more), you won’t need that item again. Remember why you’re considering jettisoning it - it’s probably because you no longer use it anyway.

Decluttering resources

• If you’re a paid S+S subscriber, you can follow my “Dejunk Yourself” course here.

• Article - What’s the Best Way to Get Rid of Stuff so It Doesn’t Become a Problem for Our Planet?

• Article - Want to Try Minimalism? Here Are 100 Items You Can Easily Get Rid of in Your Home Today

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Next, a question from Dave:

My wife and I have a very simple, decluttered life. But many of our friends and family do not. I love spending time with them but I find being in cluttered spaces, being exposed to excessive consumerism and hectic daily routines very difficult. Do you have any tips for how I can navigate this situation?

Dave, it’s like you read my mind.

I too struggle with this. The fact of the matter is that even when you want to live a less hectic, cluttered life, this is not a normal state of affairs for most people. So unless you’re a hermit, you’ve got your work cut out for you.

First thing’s first. Cultivate what I call a f**k you - or FU - attitude. Caring less about what people think about your life is what will protect your boundaries when someone tries to tell you that you have to upgrade your house or you must be busy all the time or you’ve gotta buy a whole new set of clothes.

As someone who intensely cares about what other people think about them, I personally found cultivating this attitude hard. What eventually did it for me was truly believing in the simple living cause. If you believe that you are better off living a simpler life, it makes it easier to not be swayed by everyone else’s busy schedule or cluttered abode.

That is up to them. Your simple life is up to you.

I also find it useful to counter busy, hectic people with calm, simple living folk.

If I’ve just spent an intense number of hours or days with someone who lives a super busy life, I’ll ask a friend who lives quietly if they’d like to hang out. If that’s not possible, I’ll go online and consume simple living content.

It’s good to be reminded that there are people in the world who strive to live a less complicated, hectic life, even if they’re not your main core of friends or family.

Finally, one of the most important ways to deal with people who live a different way from you is to reign in the judgment.

It can be easy to believe your way is good and their way is bad but creating dichotomies like these is just a surefire way to ruin a relationship. No one is going to be amenable to your way of living (or choose it for themselves) if they feel attacked.

I say this as someone who has been guilty of doing exactly this, back in the day.

The better way is to exercise some empathy as to why your friends and family have chosen a consumerist-heavy, busy life. After all, it’s more a failing of society than it is a failing of them personally. Remember that the next time they talk to you about their recent upgrade or their incredibly busy schedule.

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Get your questions in for June, please! I can’t wait to see what you ask me.

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