Dear Charlie: I Want to Move Abroad for a Simpler Life but My Family Isn't on Board. What Do I Do?
It’s the first Tuesday of the month which means I’m answering your questions about simple living.
I had so many questions come my way this month! Alas, I can only reply to a handful of them, I wish it could be all.
This week, we’ve got a question about what to do when you want to move abroad for a simpler life but your family doesn’t, how you can square frequent flying with living a sustainable life, and how to tackle the tricky second phase of decluttering when you still have too much stuff but love it all.
I’m now gathering questions for July. If you have one you want to ask, fill out this form.
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First, up a question from Phillippa:
I have wanted to live differently for years, however this differs from the desires of my 3 daughters and to a lesser extent my husband. My girls are 16, nearly 13 and 11.
My idea of simple living is living in a much smaller house, working on a freelance basis and living somewhere warmer where I can grow more of the food I love on my own land, with an outdoor lifestyle. I would be in an amazing community and have very strong connections with others living nearby.
But my girls would never forgive me if I took them out of their schools and to a new country - but I struggle with the concept of waiting until they leave home
Connection with women is hugely important to me. Whether we move now or in 7 years when the girls finish school- the thought of not having daily chats with other woman is utterly terrifying/ depressing. Not being able to speak another language feels like a huge barrier to being happy overseas.
Are there ways to remove the barriers? Btw we do not know a single person living in a warmer country. So they all feel like alien places.
Wow, what a question, Philippa! So much to unpack here.
OK, first up, your girls. Of course, I can’t speak for them but I will say this. When I was 13, my mum and dad moved me across the country. I HATED them for it — for a while. It didn’t take long however for me to realize how much better it was in our new place. I had more, better quality friends. I was happier. More importantly, my parents were happier too which made a HUGE difference to my home life.
Happy parents = happy(ier) kids.
With regards to a warmer country, my experience lies primarily in Europe so that’s what I’ll base my answers on. There are definitely countries where it might be easier than others to integrate with both locals and ex-pats. Some places that come to mind are Portugal and Croatia because English is spoken well in both. Spain too but people’s level of English varies more widely depending on where you choose to live. Spanish is, however, an easier language to pick up than Croatian or Portuguese.
All three of these countries have international schools which could make a move easier on your kids. Sure, some people might think you should send your kid to a local school, but I say if that’s the compromise that makes them happier with a move, then that’s a compromise I would be willing to make.
With regards to community, in my experience, it doesn’t take long to find friendship groups all over the place. Put it this way — I spent 8 years in a part of Britain where I made almost no friends. After 6 months in Spain, I had a close group of friends and countless more acquaintances.
The internet is a great place to find meetup groups, as are language classes and even just spending time in communities, for instance at local bars or restaurants.
It can be done!
Next, a question from Cathy:
How do you square sustainable living with flying between places when you travel?
EXTREMELY good question, especially for me with being a full-time traveler.
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