"Besa" - an Albanian Word for the Lost Art of Generosity and Trust

We could learn a thing or two from our Balkan friends

Welcome to the Friday mailout! Friday’s simple living essays and recommendations are free for everyone but Simple and Straightforward is actually a thrice-weekly publication. Paid subscribers get access to 8-week simple living courses (one module sent out every Monday) and waste-reducing recipes sent out every Wednesday. Join the fun for $5 a month or save 20% with a yearly subscription and help support an independent, ad-free publication.

From R-L - Me, a friend, my husband, and an Albanian winemaker who speaks no English. After 10 minutes of drinking with us, the winemaker gifted us a bottle of his homemade Raki (Grappa). That’s Besa.

When I set out on my indefinite travels some 23 months ago, I thought that food was going to be my window into the counties I visited.

Don’t get me wrong, it still is. Food (and drink) is a wonderful way to discover new places and cultures and I have done my fair share of learning through both.

But there is something else — something less tangible — that has taught me even more about people and their cultures.

Shared philosophies.

Threads of sub-consciousness, in-built from birth that connects every human in a country or region. A reason for their actions, their ways of life.

The Dalmatian coast in Croatia has Pomalo - take it easy, chill out, there’s always tomorrow. The Danes have Janteloven - don’t brag about your achievements or be jealous of others’ success. The Swedes have more of these philosophies than I care to count.

And the Albanians have Besa.

During my 2 weeks in Albania I’ve come to learn about — and love — the concept of Besa. The dictionary definition is a pledge of honor, faith, or an oath. In real terms, Besa is like a code for Albanians that makes them courteous, trustworthy, and generous. If someone needs something from you - if they are in your home, your restaurant, or your shop - you treat them well. In my experience, exceptionally well.

That’s Besa.

The concept of Besa is so strongly aligned with being Albanian that Albanians have told me if you don’t act in accordance, your reputation may (and probably will) shatter.

As it turns out, we can learn a lot from this small, vastly underrated country.

***

There is an old Albanian proverb that goes: before the house belongs to the owner, it first belongs to God and the guest.

In the past, this would mean if anyone knocked on your door asking for help, you would bring them in, no questions asked.

Those times may have passed somewhat but the concept of Besa is still alive and kicking and dictates how many Albanians live their lives today.

The most powerful Besa example I’ve come across is Albanians’ reaction to the Kosovo war back in the late 1990s. It was not unusual for families to visit refugee camps found all over Albania and bring a Kosovan family home, treating them as family.

This was in 1998, just seven or so years after Albania had been released from nearly half a century of an unbelievably restrictive and cruel Communist dictatorship that rendered it one of the poorest countries in the world.

During my wine store ownership days, as Christmas approached so would grumbles from my customers about how many people they had to host, how many relatives would be invading their personal space. How inconvenienced they felt by it all.

Then you have one of the poorest countries in Europe displaying above-and-beyond levels of generosity because it’s embedded in their very being.

It puts it all into perspective.

***

Another facet of Besa is trust. After all, if your honor is at stake, you’re probably going to be trustworthy.

As a kid, I was taught to trust no one. My mother was terrified about me being abducted thanks to it nearly happening to her as a kid. It nearly happened to me too so she was right, in part to drill home Stranger Danger.

I hate to be distrustful of other human beings but alas, it has to be so. We can be really nasty to each other sometimes.

I’m so used to not trusting anyone that it’s the weirdest feeling to drop into a country where trust is woven into the fabric of society. You feel calmer, like you can breathe.

Yes, you have to exercise caution as you do everywhere and no, not every single Albanian is trustworthy. But because of Besa, you know that it is more likely you will be treated well rather than poorly. You know you’re not going to be ripped off at every turn. You know you’ll be hassled less (seriously guys, come to Albania, it’s incredible).

It blows my mind that there are countries where trust is still A Thing. Where preying upon gullible tourists like myself is something to be treated with disdain. Rip off your guests? You’ve got no class, mate. No Besa.

It’s a really good example of a positive cultural philosophy, one that can be used for good in order to make a place a better, more desirable place to be.

***

I’ve been wracking my brains this week about how many positive cultural philosophies we have in the UK (the US too) and I’ll be honest, I’m drawing a blank. Although feel free to correct me in the comments if you can think of any.

Perhaps our propensity to be generous, trustworthy or honor-bound was crushed out of us as we took consumerism and wealth-building to the extreme. Take the phrase “it’s just business.” It’s a well-worn expression that basically advocates being a dick if it means you can make a dollar.

Well, if we don’t have any philosophies to fall back on in our own culture, we can steal from others:

We can adopt Besa and be generous and trustworthy toward strangers.

We can adopt Lagom, the Swedish philosophy for “just the right amount.”

We can adhere to the Danish Law of Jante and tone down our bragging.

We can adopt anything, from anywhere, that gives us the framework to live better, more ethical, intentional, and meaningful lives.

---

Setting up your weekend

2 articles from my collection (paywall free)

• The Quick Sustainability Hack Literally No One Ever Talks About

• Just Because You Can Make Mountains of Money Using Debt Doesn’t Make Debt a Good Thing

The best pieces of content I’ve consumed this week

• Youtube - Why City Design is Important (and Why I Hate Houston) - I’ve recently stumbled across the excellent Not Just Bikes YouTube channel and this video is one of their best.

• TV show - Chef’s Table Pizza - I’ve been known to travel thousands of miles for good pizza. If you’re the same, this is for you. I particularly love the episode with Gabriele Bonci and about what fame did to his soul (plus I know firsthand that his pizzas are incredible).